"Ankle Biters"
review by Diablo Joe



"Ankle Biters"

Historically, sex tapes haven't been the smartest of ideas.

Coming to us from North of the Border, Canada, "Anklebiters" (or as the screener and IMDB lists it, the less-apt hockey slang, "Cherrypicker") is a twisted, and, at times involvedly intricate and nasty, piece of work. At times its delightful wrong, and hilariously macabre, its villains coming in the smallest and least expected forms.



Chase is a pro hockey player known for his on-ice brutality. His career permanently sidelined by injury, he meets Laura and falls madly in love. When Chase announces his intention to propose, his friends and family think he is nuts. She's got four little girls! And Lily, Violet, Rosalee, and Dahlia (played eponymously and brilliantly by the real-life Reid sisters) aren't very psyched about Chase entering their life either. Especially not after they find a violent—but 100% consensual—S&M sex video with Mommy on Chase's phone.



Chase brings this family back to his hometown to pop the question, but the girls have made it their mission to protect their mother and rid their family of Chase. When a not-so-accidental death occurs, Chase finds himself framed for murder and discovers that these seemingly adorable moppets could just be the very death of him.



Writer/director Bennet De Brabandere scores goal after goal for the first two-quarters of his black comedy of family errors. It's fun to watch Zion Forrest Lee's slightly dense Chase, an epic asshole when on skates, but a man who genuinely loves his woman 110 percent, struggle to please his new family-to-be. The girls are smarter and craftier than him. Perhaps nastier, too, as they sneak spider eggs into his ear as he sleeps and sewing needles into his favorite apples.



The four are morbidly mischievous, as kids often are. Introduced while toying with a worm, it is obvious they are not so sweet and innocent from the get-go. They are also decidedly individual characters, with Rosalee being the most cunning and the instigator. When they plot against their babysitter, Matia, who they view as both Chase's ally and a threat to their mother, the girl's machinations turn elaborate, darker, and more devious.



It's right about that point that De Brabandere's script starts to become a sieve, letting more and more misplaced, and sometimes outright bad, ideas get through. The second half begins to squander the impressive scoring made in the first. With Chase pursued as a murder suspect, the once-savage humor becomes sillier. While there was some corny business earlier, it becomes too much. Particularly appalling are the cops, who are both bumbling and unfunny (especially Whose Line Is It Anyway's usually hilarious Colin Mochrie as a prudish police captain).



At the same time, the film changes the way it handles the girls. Yes, they were devious, and yes, they may have lacked a bit of a moral compass, but it was always for reasons we understood. These were never bad seeds like Rhonda of the classic 1956 film of that name. They were not born evil, but as the picture's ever-escalating showdown between the four and Chase becomes grislier and more bloody (including a nod to a legendary bit of child-on-adult horror nastiness), we're forced to take sides. Chase may have been a hockey goon, and he's undoubtedly dumb as a box of rocks, but his love for Laura is unimpeachable. As for his inability to connect with the girls? If that's a capital offense, then dads, beware! And the film's final scene is so left-field, darkly grim, and humorlessly cruel that it takes us out on an unnecessary downer. It's almost as if De Brabandere had a story point locked in mind and went with anything that got him there, movie's tone be damned.



There is a lot to like about "Anklebiters." It’s a great-looking film, with some horrifyingly realistic make-up effects that brutally sell the mayhem. But it’s the main cast that makes this movie. Again, Lee is perfect as Chase. Just the right amount of jock mentality and guilelessness. Marianthi Evans’s Laura is a wonderful performance from a woman who is refreshingly both stunning and believable as a mother of four children. And of course, the real surprise and treat in “Anklebiters” are those titular characters. The Reid Sisters are just mind-blowing to watch. Each young actor shines, but the mischievous Rosalee and the youngest, sweet Dahlia, really stand out.



One wishes that De Brabandere had rethought his approach to the second half—particularly the final quarter. The clownishness of the cops, the extraneous details, and some unnecessary (and ineffective) storytelling red herrings don’t ruin the picture. However, the finale's needlessly mean and unpleasant tone does a real disservice to the rest of a quite good film.

This devil of a reviewer gives “Anklebiters” 3 out of 5 imps.